How to Tick People Off

October 21, 2010 by: David

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”

4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”

8. Practice making fax and modem noises.

9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.

10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”

12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”

16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.

17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

18. Honk and wave to strangers.

19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.

20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

21. type only in lowercase.

22. dont use any punctuation either

23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.

“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”

“What?”

“Never mind, it’s gone now.”

25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.

27. Ask people what gender they are.

28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

30. Sing along at the opera.

31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

Rating 4.86 out of 5

Filed under: Funny

Comments

27 Responses to “How to Tick People Off”
  1. anonymous says:

    wow!!! i love it!!! defnitely gonna try that hairdryer thing =]

  2. EÑ¢®yP〒£D says:

    really funny, gonna do the hair dryer, “do you hear that”, the one that goes “in accordance with prophecy” and many more! lol

  3. David says:

    Lol I like that one too.

  4. Chris says:

    I have not laughed so much in ages…am gonna try the hair dryer 2 ;)

  5. macy says:

    my mom wold be pissed if i tried tried the hairdryer thing but starting now i am going to ask people their gender

  6. abby says:

    thats a good one! look at number 14! im in 6th grade and i will do that to my gym teacher! its a good one!

  7. abby says:

    hi! i will totaly try #14! its very funny! bye!! =)

  8. dave says:

    i love these suggestions. I suggest enthusiastically but randomly quoting advertising slogans , “i’m lovin it!” or “can’t beat that taste!” offer friends who definitely don’t smoke a cigarette saying “you’ll feel better” or talk at length about really dense abstruse subjects that have no end in sight whilst at the checkout with three people behind you.

  9. anonymous says:

    loz
    so funny def gonna try out the ‘wot gender are u’ 1 it looks hallerious
    loz hope others have as much fun as i have and will have

    lolz ;)

  10. Phil says:

    The shouting random numbers thing always works – makes them lose count. So funny!

  11. pickle says:

    hahahahahahahaha!! literally laughing out loud! (my mom thinks im crazy)

  12. Thermiceas says:

    You all are gonna get shot lol but this made me cry it was so funny

  13. annoying person says:

    lol, i asked my boss what gender he was and almost got fierd. lol x
    have fun x

  14. maddie says:

    Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard when I read this!! xD

  15. Ashley @ Hello Kitty Bags says:

    Very funny!!.. I’ll try it ;)

  16. dffhy says:

    Definatly doing the hsir dryer thing hilarious

  17. brook says:

    lolzzz im sitting at school in the library reading this and busted out laughing haha! im so gonna try the hair dryer thing and the accordisance thing, i also asked my friend what her gender she was… i think she thinks im wierd now..HAHAHAH

  18. John says:

    This is a bit confusing for people in the UK.

    Here “tick people off” means “check their names on a list”.

    It does not mean “annoy people”.

  19. max says:

    i did the sound thing # 24

    and my brother started crying….epic!

  20. Tigh says:

    Haha my order is TO-GO….

  21. justin says:

    lol the hair dryer thing sounds funny lol i might try it lol
    ppl might get annoyed though
    (but thats the point lol so imma try it)
    lol

  22. O.O Cheese OAO says:

    I did 27,25,24,18,17,16,14,12,10,7 and 3 Anyway XD but still was ALL funny XD

  23. I love it! I’m gonna do half of these tomorrow! My friends will so get ticked off! I’ll eventually tell them I got it off this site, but they won’t like me for a while. We are like sistas! I heart Jimmy Kenzie! Hope he doesn’t find out who I am! Oh, well. Kitty Kat -> =^_^=

  24. M says:

    tell everyone no to every yes no question your asked

  25. kate says:

    hairdryer. now i just need to find one…

  26. shawn Jefferson says:

    I am going to use about half of this, I am the best player in the league, google me if you dont believe me

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